“It should’ve been you.” Tears streamed down her face as she choked back the sobs in the awkwardly bright fluorescent light of a Chipotle booth. I stared across the table at my strong, brave, older sister as she sat there crumpled and broken-hearted. I didn’t know what to say. Here she was, sharing the most exciting news possible, and instead of rejoicing she was hurting for me.
“I could not be more excited for this new baby!” I assured her. Yes, of course I wanted to be experiencing motherhood alongside her but the gift of another niece or nephew was overwhelmingly precious. And yet, here she was, mourning my grief, aching for a niece or nephew of her own. This is the sacrificial love and devotion Simon and I are surrounded by.
This kind of love is why infertility can be considered a gift. Yes, a gift. Just as parenthood is a gift that cultivates an unexplainable unconditional love; infertility cultivates hope, patience, endurance, perseverance and devotion like none other.
On our journey Simon and I have struggled, grown emotionally distant at times and then frantically scrambled back to one another; removing the wedge of miscommunication and calming each other’s hurt and pain. Clinging to God’s promises through all of this that “all things work together for good to those who love God.” Sometimes this cross that we’ve been called to bear has felt too heavy for words and simply holding each other is all we can do to go on.
And yet, so many days, this difficulty has made us stronger. As I learn and grow I become more aware of the hurt others are feeling. I have learned to look for the good in each person because we never know what they might be going through underneath. I have learned to cherish the relationships we are given, especially with children. They have a unique way of saying just what you need to hear, mostly because they have no filters, but also because of their pure hearts. Each child is so individual and fascinatingly curious. They approach life with vigor, wonder, and admiration. We can learn a lot from children.
We have learned to look for the blessings in life and so far, they haven’t been hard to find!
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